Professional fighters train hard, so that when the fight comes, they can step into the ring with grace, skill and respect for their partner.
What could happen if you and your partner trained for inevitable conflict with that kind of diligence and commitment?
What if you got really good at fighting?
What if you learned to fight so that everybody wins?
Done wrong, it kills the joy in your relationships.
It zaps the life out of love.
It inflicts painful, lingering wounds.
But it can also be done well.
When used effectively, conflict deepens relationships by helping everyone get their needs met.
It can connect you more to your deeper self, your truth, and the wisdom held in your body.
Conflict can help you create more connection!
The course teaches you to transform conflict into connection. You will:
Work with your nervous system and your triggers with love
Learn to have conflict without damaging your relationship
Get out of blame so that you can feel kind and generous towards each other
Use conflict as a generative force to support your relationship to grow and heal
Practice repair after conflict, so you feel connected, sweet, and close.
That's me and my partner
Who am I?
I'm Pavini, if we haven't yet met.
I'm a somatic relationship therapist.
I've worked with hundreds of couples to build loving relationships that last.
I'm also a person in long-term committed relationship.
After years of ineffective fighting and a failed first marriage, I was committed to learning how to fight with grace and dignity.
I was determined to not let conflict destroy another relationship.
When I met my current partner, we decided to learn to use conflict to fuel our connection.
With a lot of training and practice, our conflicts gradually shifted into something I am proud of.
We have learned to honor ourselves, our needs and each other's humanity during conflict.
We don't call names, hurl blame or insults, yell, attack each other, or any of the other harmful behaviors people often display during conflict.
We stay connected, take breaks when needed, stay connected with ourselves and our own needs, and stick with it until it feels resolved.
We get support when necessary.
In short, our conflict is where our relationship values of love and respect get to show up.
Where the rubber meets the road, so to speak.
We still fight, but it helps us identify what needs attention instead of hurting each other.
I started teaching conflict skills in 2014 and have helped tons of couples fight more cleanly, clearly, and kindly so they can love each other with more trust.
In my private practice with couples, conflict skill development is always a big part of what we work on.
I can help you and your partner learn to spar with respect, instead of attack with cruelty.
We've tried everything: Why will this help?
The secret ingredient is somatics, which means working with your body.
In this course, we work with conflict at a body level instead of just intellectually or emotionally.
We get into the nitty-gritty of how your body response determines how you are fighting.
We investigate how your body can become a resource during conflict, that keeps you aligned with your values.
Fighting is a body-based process, so learning body tools to work with it makes sense.
Take this class if:
If you and your partner struggle with repetitive, endless fights that get you nowhere.
If your relationship is filled with unresolved conflict.
If fighting is painful and unproductive.
If you don't like who you are when you fight.
You've tried therapy, and it hasn't helped with the fighting.
What will you learn? Week 1: The roots of conflict What is conflict? Who do you want to be as a fighter? How can you fight with skill and grace like an athlete? This week sets the stage for conflict tool building and introduces a powerful technique to interrupt harmful fighting.
Week 2: Working with your nervous system during conflict You know about fight/flight/freeze responses, but do you know how to work with them when triggered during a fight? This week will help you honor your bodily responses and give you more choices about how you fight.
Week 3: Escaping the blame trap Blame is a strategy humans use to feel better. Underneath blame is a truth hidden in plain sight: what you really need, which is why you are fighting in the first place. The problem is, blame causes resentment to build up and destroys love. This week you will learn to work with blame impulses to communicate what you need and want.
Week 4: Repair Conflict is inevitable, but repair is optional. Thriving relationships rely on good repair skills. When you repair, you harvest the benefit of conflict and become closer. More understanding about what you need becomes evident, and sweetness and harmony are restored. This week you learn how to repair so that your relationships benefit from all conflict. You'll learn about apologies, acknowledgies, do-overs, and many other practical strategies to make sure healing happens.
At the end of this course, you will have skills to fight with love and clarity about who you want to be during conflict.
You will also have a written agreement about your rules for fair fighting with your partner.
While conflict is here to stay, you can train to be a skillful sparring partner so your love continues to grow and your relationship thrives!
What you get:
4 weeks of live, small group practice-based classes with Pavini
Clear worksheets and handouts guiding you to investigate who you are as a fighter, and helping you become who you want to be.
Practices and tools that transform conflict into connection. You will use this in ALL of your relationships!
A personal session for you and your partner with Pavini, to support the particular challenges of your partnership.
The investment for this course is $425 per person / $850 per couple. The course is limited to only 6 couples.
Note: I rarely teach these days. This will likely be the only opportunity to study with me in 2023, so if you feel the call, say yes. This class will fill quickly, so don't delay if you need it. If you need to chat before registering, message me using the contact form.
Registration is now open 4 weeks of actionable tools to transform conflict into connection Starts Tues. Feb 21 Tuesdays 7pm Eastern / 4pm Pacific