I know it's probably a big deal that you are reading this.
You may have struggled to enjoy physical closeness your whole life, or feeling avoidant may be more recent.
Your avoidance could be across the board: just the thought of physical touch makes you feel uncomfortable.
Or it may be specific to a particular person, and maybe even your partner.
You may have struggled to enjoy physical closeness your whole life, or feeling avoidant may be more recent.
Your avoidance could be across the board: just the thought of physical touch makes you feel uncomfortable.
Or it may be specific to a particular person, and maybe even your partner.
Do any of these statements ring true for you?
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Maybe it will just get better on its own. I’m gonna wait and see (now it's a couple years later and nothing has changed.)
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I’m afraid if I don’t figure this out, my partner is going to leave.
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I’m afraid I am broken, that something is deeply wrong with me.
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I’ve tried therapy, and it didn’t work. I still don’t want to have sex.
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I feel panicky about if my partner is going to try and initiate. (Early stage)
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I feel panicky that my partner no longer initiates. (Later stage)
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This is just how it is for me now.
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The experience of intimacy avoidance and aversion is painful and limiting
“I’m tired of trying to want to. Every time it comes up, I instantly feel revulsion in my body. I just want it to be easy.”
Why This Guide Exists
I know how heavy this feels.
As a sex therapist and as someone who has personally struggled with intimacy avoidance (AKA sexual aversion) I created this guide to offer a compassionate, somatic way forward.
Avoidance is not a personal failing. It is a body strategy. Your nervous system is saying no where words could not.
Conventional sex therapy often sees aversion as “too difficult to treat.”
My approach works with your body, instead of against it.
I know how heavy this feels.
As a sex therapist and as someone who has personally struggled with intimacy avoidance (AKA sexual aversion) I created this guide to offer a compassionate, somatic way forward.
Avoidance is not a personal failing. It is a body strategy. Your nervous system is saying no where words could not.
Conventional sex therapy often sees aversion as “too difficult to treat.”
My approach works with your body, instead of against it.
👉 [Get Access Now for $7]
What’s Inside
A 10-Step Somatic Roadmap Out of Avoidance is a 50-page PDF designed to meet you where you are and move at your pace.
Inside you will find ten steps to reclaim intimacy on your own terms.
No forcing. No pushing. No shame.
These are the exact techniques I use with my one-on-one clients in private practice to help them move out of sexual aversion and into healthy intimacy.
Inside you will find ten steps to reclaim intimacy on your own terms.
- Step 1: Naming
Recognize aversion in the moment and name it without shame. - Step 2: Why Aversion Develops
Understand the roots of avoidance and why your body says “no.” - Step 3: Curiosity
Practice noticing sensations without pushing past them. - Step 4: The Somatic Lens
See how your nervous system protects you and learn to work with it. - Step 5: Boundaries and Safety
Practice self-consent and create conditions for trust. - Step 6: Building Capacity
Expand your ability to stay present without overwhelm. - Step 7: Working with Partners
Communicate needs, set limits, and redefine intimacy together. - Step 8: Redefining Intimacy
Map out closeness that feels safe and possible now. - Step 9: Professional Support
Know when outside help matters and how to choose it. - Step 10: Commitment and Practice
Build new daily pathways of choice and freedom.
No forcing. No pushing. No shame.
These are the exact techniques I use with my one-on-one clients in private practice to help them move out of sexual aversion and into healthy intimacy.
Real People, Real Results
Lara's path out of intimacy avoidance
From Obligation to Choice
When “Lara” first came to me, she was convinced nothing could help.
She had sex with her partner only a handful of times in over ten years.
Each attempt left her feeling more broken, more ashamed, and more disconnected.
Her partner wasn’t abusive or unkind, but he was deeply frustrated.
The relationship felt stuck in a loop: she didn’t want sex, he felt rejected, and the distance between them grew.
Lara was terrified that he would leave.
She described how she would spend the entire day coaching herself to get through it.
When the time came, she forced herself to stay in bed, holding her breath and literally counting until it was over.
Her body would tighten, her stomach would turn, and she would feel nauseous.
Each time she said yes when she meant no, she felt like she was betraying herself.
“I felt like I was reacting as if my partner was violating me — even though I knew he wasn’t. My body just shut down.”
Lara had tried talk therapy.
She had read books.
She had even forced herself into having sex more often, hoping she could “push through.”
But nothing changed, because the problem wasn’t in her willpower or her mindset. It was in her body.
Her nervous system had learned: this is not safe. And every time she overrode her “no,” that message only got stronger.
She had sex with her partner only a handful of times in over ten years.
Each attempt left her feeling more broken, more ashamed, and more disconnected.
Her partner wasn’t abusive or unkind, but he was deeply frustrated.
The relationship felt stuck in a loop: she didn’t want sex, he felt rejected, and the distance between them grew.
Lara was terrified that he would leave.
She described how she would spend the entire day coaching herself to get through it.
When the time came, she forced herself to stay in bed, holding her breath and literally counting until it was over.
Her body would tighten, her stomach would turn, and she would feel nauseous.
Each time she said yes when she meant no, she felt like she was betraying herself.
“I felt like I was reacting as if my partner was violating me — even though I knew he wasn’t. My body just shut down.”
Lara had tried talk therapy.
She had read books.
She had even forced herself into having sex more often, hoping she could “push through.”
But nothing changed, because the problem wasn’t in her willpower or her mindset. It was in her body.
Her nervous system had learned: this is not safe. And every time she overrode her “no,” that message only got stronger.
In our work together, we did not start with working on sex or intimacy.
We started with her body.
We explored the smallest places where she felt okay: the sensation of her feet on the ground, the comfort of leaning against a pillow, the relief of being able to say “no” out loud without consequence.
We started with her body.
We explored the smallest places where she felt okay: the sensation of her feet on the ground, the comfort of leaning against a pillow, the relief of being able to say “no” out loud without consequence.
We practiced boundaries, self-consent, and supporting contraction — letting her body close when it needed to, instead of forcing it open.
For the first time in years, Lara began to feel choice.
She realized that she could say no without the world ending.
And eventually, she discovered she could also say yes when her body truly wanted to.
Lara stopped forcing herself.
She started feeling curiosity about what was possible. She learned to sense her “edge” the place where her body began to shut down and to honor it instead of bulldozing through.
Over time, she and her boyfriend created a sexual relationship that felt supportive, respectful, and nourishing.
Her words:
“Finding out that I didn’t have to push through anymore was a revelation. For the first time, I felt safe enough to ask myself what I actually wanted. That changed everything.”
For the first time in years, Lara began to feel choice.
She realized that she could say no without the world ending.
And eventually, she discovered she could also say yes when her body truly wanted to.
Lara stopped forcing herself.
She started feeling curiosity about what was possible. She learned to sense her “edge” the place where her body began to shut down and to honor it instead of bulldozing through.
Over time, she and her boyfriend created a sexual relationship that felt supportive, respectful, and nourishing.
Her words:
“Finding out that I didn’t have to push through anymore was a revelation. For the first time, I felt safe enough to ask myself what I actually wanted. That changed everything.”
👉 [Get Access Now]
Maya’s Story:
Maya had recently come out as queer.
She wanted to date, but panicked at even light intimacy. Hugging made her tense. Kissing felt impossible.
She wasn’t broken.
Her nervous system was protecting her after years of unwanted touch in past relationships.
Through daily body check-ins and boundary practice, Maya learned to notice her “no” without shame.
She practiced saying it with friends first, then with dates.
Within a few months, she reported:
“I had my first kiss that actually felt good. Not rushed, not scary. I could feel my body stay with me. That was huge.”
She wanted to date, but panicked at even light intimacy. Hugging made her tense. Kissing felt impossible.
She wasn’t broken.
Her nervous system was protecting her after years of unwanted touch in past relationships.
Through daily body check-ins and boundary practice, Maya learned to notice her “no” without shame.
She practiced saying it with friends first, then with dates.
Within a few months, she reported:
“I had my first kiss that actually felt good. Not rushed, not scary. I could feel my body stay with me. That was huge.”
Sam’s Story
Sam wasn’t in a relationship.
They just knew that sex felt yucky, even alone.
They avoided touch, masturbation, and anything erotic.
Sam used the PDF to practice “supporting the contraction.”
They curled into themselves, let the bracing happen, then slowly opened again.
It didn’t make aversion vanish overnight.
But Sam recently shared:
They just knew that sex felt yucky, even alone.
They avoided touch, masturbation, and anything erotic.
Sam used the PDF to practice “supporting the contraction.”
They curled into themselves, let the bracing happen, then slowly opened again.
It didn’t make aversion vanish overnight.
But Sam recently shared:
More Voices of Change
“I stopped forcing myself into sex I didn’t want.”
“For the first time, I could fall asleep without panic.”
“I realized I wasn’t broken, just protecting myself.”
“My partner finally listened to my no, and that made space for a yes later.”
The Cost of Doing Nothing
Intimacy avoidance doesn’t just go away on its own.
If nothing changes, the cost adds up:
Therapy for this issue can cost thousands of dollars a year.
The cost of a relationship ending can be far higher, both emotionally and financially.
And you already know personal cost of living in shame and shutdown.
This guide costs less than a single therapy session. Less than a date night! Heck, less that a cup of fancy coffee!
For $7, you get a roadmap that can help you reclaim choice, dignity, and connection.
If nothing changes, the cost adds up:
- Strained or broken relationships, including divorce
- Growing distance between partners
- Anxiety, dread, or shutdown around intimacy
- Feeling broken or ashamed
- The quiet pain of disconnection from yourself and your body
Therapy for this issue can cost thousands of dollars a year.
The cost of a relationship ending can be far higher, both emotionally and financially.
And you already know personal cost of living in shame and shutdown.
This guide costs less than a single therapy session. Less than a date night! Heck, less that a cup of fancy coffee!
For $7, you get a roadmap that can help you reclaim choice, dignity, and connection.
👉 [Get Access Now]
What if there was a gentle way
to heal avoidance?
A way that didn’t override your boundaries or have you do things you are a big NO to?
Working compassionately with aversion means finding a balance of gentle investigation of what can be possible, while simultaneously honoring what your body is saying and not pushing.
Through trial and error, and many years of researching on myself, I’ve found a way through that works for my clients.
I’ve been able to help folks like you move through shame, trauma, and aversion into sex lives that feel not only tolerable, but enjoyable.
My unique approach works WITH your body, instead of fighting against the aversion.
Navigating avoidance with a compassionate somatic approach takes you from where you are towards where you would like to be, what you want it to be like.
And what you want your sexuality to be is something YOU decide.
Working compassionately with aversion means finding a balance of gentle investigation of what can be possible, while simultaneously honoring what your body is saying and not pushing.
Through trial and error, and many years of researching on myself, I’ve found a way through that works for my clients.
I’ve been able to help folks like you move through shame, trauma, and aversion into sex lives that feel not only tolerable, but enjoyable.
My unique approach works WITH your body, instead of fighting against the aversion.
Navigating avoidance with a compassionate somatic approach takes you from where you are towards where you would like to be, what you want it to be like.
And what you want your sexuality to be is something YOU decide.
👉 [Get Access Now]
Here’s the thing, ready?
This was only possible for Lara because she had the courage to seek support about something that felt deeply shameful to her.
She realized that she wasn’t going to be able to change her avoidance on her own.
She also found that talk therapy wasn’t working, because aversion is a body issue.
I have literally talked with and worked with hundreds of folks like you with aversion.
The way through isn’t always clear, and it is a process that involves mind, body, and spirit.
And, there is a way through. I know because I have also walked this path.
She realized that she wasn’t going to be able to change her avoidance on her own.
She also found that talk therapy wasn’t working, because aversion is a body issue.
I have literally talked with and worked with hundreds of folks like you with aversion.
The way through isn’t always clear, and it is a process that involves mind, body, and spirit.
And, there is a way through. I know because I have also walked this path.
Sound too good to be true?
To be clear, I am not taking you to some idealized tropical island version of your sexuality where you are going at it every day all day.
No.
I don’t have an idea of what your sexuality SHOULD look like.
Instead...
I’m inviting you on a journey to discover what feels okay and authentic to you.
Using tools and practices that have worked for many others—and for me.
I am confident that it is possible for you to live a life where sexuality is a healthy part.
I believe it is possible for you to move through the shame that is keeping you stuck, to a place that feels good, balanced, and alive.
Imagine for a minute what it would feel like if you didn’t have to ‘figure it out’ anymore.
You feel at ease, grounded, and normal.
When sex comes up, in conversation or in relationship, it’s cool and doesn’t bother you.
You feel relaxed.
When someone approaches you sexually, you feel connected with yourself, and make an honest answer, depending on how you feel, and then you feel PROUD of yourself for honoring what is true.
No.
I don’t have an idea of what your sexuality SHOULD look like.
Instead...
I’m inviting you on a journey to discover what feels okay and authentic to you.
Using tools and practices that have worked for many others—and for me.
I am confident that it is possible for you to live a life where sexuality is a healthy part.
I believe it is possible for you to move through the shame that is keeping you stuck, to a place that feels good, balanced, and alive.
Imagine for a minute what it would feel like if you didn’t have to ‘figure it out’ anymore.
You feel at ease, grounded, and normal.
When sex comes up, in conversation or in relationship, it’s cool and doesn’t bother you.
You feel relaxed.
When someone approaches you sexually, you feel connected with yourself, and make an honest answer, depending on how you feel, and then you feel PROUD of yourself for honoring what is true.
Learn how to come back from sexual aversion and have a healthy relationship with your sexuality, without compromising.
My Guarantee to You
I want this to feel safe for you. That’s why I back this guide with a 30-day no-questions refund.
If you read and practice everything inside and don’t find it supportive, just let me know within 30 days and I’ll return your payment in full.
You take no risk in trying it. The only real risk is staying stuck in shame and shutdown.
Imagine This
This is possible.
This guide shows you where to begin.
If you read and practice everything inside and don’t find it supportive, just let me know within 30 days and I’ll return your payment in full.
You take no risk in trying it. The only real risk is staying stuck in shame and shutdown.
Imagine This
- Sex comes up and you feel calm instead of dread.
- When touched, you know how to answer honestly, and feel proud for honoring your truth.
- Intimacy becomes about connection and choice, not pressure or obligation.
This is possible.
This guide shows you where to begin.
👉 [Get Access Now]
Why Listen to Me?
I’m Dr. Pavini Moray, a somatic sex therapist, coach, and author with over 20 years of experience helping people rebuild their relationship with intimacy.
I’ve guided hundreds of individuals and couples through shame, trauma, and shutdown toward more dignity and choice in their sexual lives.
My work is published and trusted. I am the author of:
This guide is drawn from lived experience, professional expertise, and evidence-based somatic practices.
I’ve guided hundreds of individuals and couples through shame, trauma, and shutdown toward more dignity and choice in their sexual lives.
My work is published and trusted. I am the author of:
- Tending the Bones: Reclaiming Pleasure after Transgenerational Sexual Trauma (North Atlantic Books, 2025)
- How to Hold Power: A Somatic Guide to Becoming a Leader People Love and Respect (North Atlantic Books, 2023)
This guide is drawn from lived experience, professional expertise, and evidence-based somatic practices.
👉 [Get Access Now]
Client Experience
“I’m comfortable having sex again.”
“I’m comfortable having sex again.”
"When I came to somatic coaching, I was completely shut down. In my work with Pavini, I learned to set boundaries with my partner and ask for what I really want without worrying about their response. Pavini walked with me through my past in such a gentle and nourishing way. I never thought I’d feel comfortable with sex, and here I am, a year later.
I’m so glad I invested in myself.”
— Hannah R., San Francisco, CA
FAQ
Is this for individuals or couples?
Both. You can use the steps on your own or with a partner.
If it works like you say, then why is it so cheap?
It's my attempt to make this information widely available and as accessible as possible.
What if I’m single?
The practices still apply. Healing avoidance is about your relationship with your own body first.
I’ve tried therapy and it didn’t work. How is this different?
Talk therapy can miss that aversion is a body issue. This guide is somatic, body-based, with practices designed to rebuild safety from the inside out.
What if it doesn’t help me?
If you read and do all of the practices in the guide and don’t find it supportive, I offer a 30-day no-questions refund.
Both. You can use the steps on your own or with a partner.
If it works like you say, then why is it so cheap?
It's my attempt to make this information widely available and as accessible as possible.
What if I’m single?
The practices still apply. Healing avoidance is about your relationship with your own body first.
I’ve tried therapy and it didn’t work. How is this different?
Talk therapy can miss that aversion is a body issue. This guide is somatic, body-based, with practices designed to rebuild safety from the inside out.
What if it doesn’t help me?
If you read and do all of the practices in the guide and don’t find it supportive, I offer a 30-day no-questions refund.
A Clear Path Forward
Your Next Step
Sexual avoidance does not have to define you.
This guide gives you the tools to move gently from aversion toward safety, dignity, and choice.
Sexual avoidance does not have to define you.
This guide gives you the tools to move gently from aversion toward safety, dignity, and choice.
