When you were good, you were really good. 

Even now, you still love each other, even if it feels really far away. 

It's painful to feel the loss, when you're still sharing a life. 

All that stuff you've tried didn't work. They didn't change, the pattern continued. Or it changed for a minute, but then shifted back. 

You may be on the brink of divorce or breakup, or this may be your last stop on the fix-it or leave-it train.

Either way, the suffering needs to stop. Things need to change, yesterday. 

You cannot keep going on like this. 

If reading this lands for you, you're in the right place. 

WANT THE GOOD OR BAD NEWS? 

The Bad: You already know where the path of doing nothing leads: more of the same, or worse. 

The Good: Real relationship transformation is not only possible, it starts right here.

Bold claim, I know. 

And I can make it, because I've lived it. 

My first marriage ended in an agonizing divorce, mindbending expensive custody battle, and ruptured family; my kids suffered terribly.  

But my second time around, I chose someone willing to do the work. We've come to the precipice twice, and both times we got support, worked our asses off, and pivoted back toward love. 

15+ years of growing, fighting and repairing together. 

My Partner and me

3-day Couples Intensives accelerate meaningful breakthroughs in your relationship.

Using Relational Life Therapy (RLT) & Somatics, I guide couples to uncover and transform the patterns keeping them stuck, fostering emotional healing, restored connection, and lasting intimacy.

​We can host your intensive in San Francisco, CA, or travel to your location. 

WHY A COUPLES INTENSIVE? 

Three days works because the work needs room

In a weekly session, you've barely cracked something open before the hour ends and you're driving home, raw and unfinished. Life reassembles around you. By the time you're back in the room, you're starting over.

An intensive removes that cycle entirely. You stay present. The work accumulates. The moments of recognition that usually take months start happening on Day One, and by Day Three, you've had time to actually integrate them rather than just glimpse them.
​
The research on immersive couples therapy is consistent: faster pattern disruption, stronger emotional engagement, more lasting results than weekly sessions alone.

​FROM THE WORK

Working intensively with couples consistently leads to profound transformation. Couples often arrive frustrated, disconnected, or stuck. What they leave with is clarity, a felt sense of their partner they'd lost, and tools they actually use.
No couple I have worked with has regretted it.

​"We knew we had hours, or another day, to work through whatever came up. So we actually said all the things we'd been holding back for years. The 'aha' moments kept coming. I knew these realizations would change how we relate forever."
— B.H. 
​Vermont

WHAT THE THREE DAYS LOOK LIKE

​You don't just talk about the pattern. You move through it.

NAME IT

DAY 1

​Finally, someone sees it.

We slow everything down. I get to know you as individuals and as a couple. We map the pattern that's keeping you stuck, where it comes from in each of you, and how it plays out between you. 

​This day is often a relief.

WORK IT

DAY 2

​This is the deep water.

We move into the somatic and relational work, the body, the nervous system, the old stories you're still running. We interrupt the pattern at its root. 
​
​This day is hard. It's also where change actually happens.

LAND IT

DAY 3

We talk about what comes next and how to hold what you've found.

We integrate. We build the repair rituals, communication tools, and practices you'll take home.​

You leave different from how you arrived.

A NOTE ON FIT

If you're not sure whether your situation is a fit, bring that question to the consultation call. I'll tell you the truth directly.

​Who this isn't for

This intensive won't be the right fit if there is active addiction that isn't being addressed, ongoing domestic violence, or an ongoing affair.

I work with couples who are genuinely uncertain, even if one person is more ready than the other, but both people need to show up willing to be honest.

You make a determination about how you will move forward.

But if love is still in there, even buried,  that's enough.

​That's exactly who this is for.

Book a Free Connection Call

WHAT YOU LEAVE WITH

More than insight.

​Insight alone doesn't change a relationship. You can't think your way out of how you got here.What you leave with is embodied, practical, and permanent.

A clear understanding of the pattern between you and where it began in each person, so you're not just managing symptoms anymore.

Repair tools you'll actually use, built around your specific dynamic, not a generic script.

​A renewed belief that this relationship can hold you. Most couples leave with more of that than they came in with.

Language for what's been unnameable. The words for it matter more than most couples expect.

A felt sense of your partner that was buried under years of disconnect, and a path back to it if you lose it again.

​FROM THE WORK

★★★★★

"I had already called a divorce lawyer when we found Pavini.

I don't say that for drama. I say it because I want you to know how far gone we were. It was so cold and silent in our house for so long that it was normal.

I was imagining what my life could be if I ended things, and part of me had accepted that we were done.

Another part wanted to give it one last chance, so I convinced Sol. I think we both knew it was the last thing.

The three days were not easy. Day two I wasn't sure we were going to make it through. But Pavini held the container in a way that made it possible to say the things, and for both of us to really acknowledge our own parts. By day three something had genuinely shifted. It wasn't totally fixed, but it was enough for me to feel him again.

That was three months ago.

I never called that lawyer back. We're not the same couple we were before: we're better. I mean, we still fight sometimes, but he doesn't go cold and behind a wall, and I can just say what I'm needing. We are sleeping in the same bed again.

If you're reading this at the end of your rope, considering whether there's anything left, there might be. We didn't think so either.

The intensive gave us back something I thought was gone for good. I can honestly say I love him, and I like him again, and that's fantastic."

S & T, Petaluma CA Couples Intensive, 3 months out

READY TO BEGIN

You've already spent a long time hoping it gets better on its own.

Three days is not a long time. It's a pivot point.

A 30-minute call costs you nothing and will tell you exactly whether this is the right next step.

Book a Free Connection Call

FAQ about Couples Intensives

What's actually included?

You get 12-18 hours of session time across three days, plus a pre-intensive consultation call and a 1-hour integration session over Zoom one week after we finish. I'm available by text for 7 days after the intensive ends.

Before we meet, I'll send you questions to sit with so we arrive with a map.
When we're done, you leave with a personalized relationship plan: concrete, specific, yours.

You're responsible for your own accommodations, food, and travel. I'll send you a list of places to stay in San Francisco that I love for this kind of work, or you can choose your own. If I'm traveling to you, we sort out the logistics together on the consultation call.

Can things really change in three days?

Yes. And here's why it works when weekly therapy hasn't: you stay in the work long enough for something real to happen.

In weekly therapy, you get 50 minutes and then a whole week for your nervous system to rebuild its walls.

You go home, life reassembles around you, and by the time you're back in the room you're starting over. An intensive removes that cycle entirely. You stay present. The work accumulates.

The moments of recognition that usually take months to arrive start happening on Day One, and by Day Three you've had time to actually integrate them rather than just glimpse them.

What you learn about yourself and your partner during an intensive lives within you for the rest of your life. These aren't insights you'll lose by Tuesday. They become part of how you understand yourself in this relationship, and you carry that into every relationship you'll ever have.

We've tried couples therapy before and it didn't help. Why would this be different?

Because the format is different, the modality is different, and who you're working with is different.

Most couples therapy unfolds one careful hour at a time over many months. That works for some couples. For others, it's like bailing out a boat with a teaspoon: you make progress and then lose it, make progress and lose it, and after a year you're exhausted and not much further along.

Relational Life Therapy is direct and action-oriented in ways that more neutral approaches aren't. It names what's happening in real time. It asks both people to move toward accountability rather than just understanding. It takes a stand for the relationship rather than sitting on the fence.

I bring somatic work alongside RLT, which means we're working with the body and the parts underneath the behavior, not just the surface conflict. For a lot of couples, that combination is exactly what finally moves things.

What if one of us is more on board with this than the other?

This is more common than you'd think, and it doesn't disqualify you.

What I need from both partners is enough willingness to show up and try.

Not certainty or equal enthusiasm. Just the willingness to be in the room and see what happens. I've worked with couples where one person was dragging their feet at the start and left on Day Three with more clarity and hope than their partner.

Skepticism is welcome. Contempt is harder to work with, but even that can shift.
If you're the one who found this page and you're not sure your partner will agree, the consultation call is a good place to bring that up. We'll talk it through.
​

What is Relational Life Therapy?

Relational Life Therapy (AKA RLT) is a direct, no-nonsense approach to couples work developed by Terry Real.

It looks at the real power dynamics in a relationship, not just communication skills. It names what's happening, interrupts destructive patterns in real time, and asks both people to move toward genuine accountability.
​
Unlike models that stay neutral at all costs, RLT takes a stand for the relationship. It calls out grandiosity, victimhood, control, and avoidance wherever they show up.

It works with attachment wounds, family conditioning, and socialized gender roles, but it doesn't let those become excuses for bad behavior. Insight matters, but behavior change matters more.

I'm trained in RLT alongside somatic practice which means the work goes wider and deeper than any single modality alone.

We're worried about opening things up and not being able to close them again.

This is one of the most honest fears couples bring, and I respect it.

The work is paced with intention. We don't crack things open and leave them there.

Part of what I do is track the capacity in the room, yours and your partner's, and work within it. We go as deep as you can go and still integrate what you find.

Day Three exists specifically to consolidate, to make sure you leave with more solidity than you arrived with.

The 7-day text support and the integration Zoom call a week out are not afterthoughts. They're part of the container. Real life rushes back in once you get home, and I want you to have somewhere to bring what comes up when it does.

Is this therapy or coaching, and does that distinction matter?

It matters, and I want to be clear about it.

I'm a somatic coach and RLT practitioner, not a licensed therapist.

Coaching is not regulated the way therapy is, which means I have more flexibility in how I work and what we can address together. It also means this isn't covered by insurance, which is a practical reality worth knowing upfront.

What it doesn't mean is that the work is less rigorous, less effective, or less suited to serious relational pain. I bring years of training, lived experience, and a body-based framework that goes well beyond what most licensed therapy offices offer. The couples I work with are dealing with real things: betrayal, disconnection, years of unresolved patterns, sexuality, power. We go there.

If you're working through something that requires a licensed mental health provider, I'll tell you directly and connect you with someone I trust.
​

Can you help us with our sex life?

Yes. If you're both willing, we can work on erotic aliveness, desire, intimacy, and whatever has gone quiet or complicated in that part of your relationship.

I bring specific training in somatic and erotic practice, which means this isn't a conversation we have to approach sideways. I have extensive experience working with couples around desire discrepancy, non-traditional relationship structures, sexual diversity, and sexual trauma. You won't spend your time managing my discomfort or explaining the basics before we can get to the actual work. We can go there directly.

Are you going to tell us we should break up?

No. That's not my decision to make, and it's not what I'm here for.
​
My job is to help you see clearly: what's happening between you, where it comes from, and what's actually possible. Sometimes couples leave an intensive more committed than they've been in years. Sometimes they leave with a clearer, more honest sense of where things stand. Both outcomes involve more truth than they came in with. That's the work, whatever shape it takes.

We live out of town. Is it worth traveling to San Francisco for this?

Yes. For a lot of couples, getting out of your daily environment is part of what makes the intensive work. You're not going home to the same kitchen, the same unfinished arguments, the same routines that hold your patterns in place. You're somewhere new, fully devoted to this, with nothing else competing for your attention.

​Intensives run Wednesday through Friday, so your weekend is yours. Come a day early if you want to settle in before we begin, and stay through the weekend if you want time to breathe and let things land before you fly home. That extra day or two can be its own kind of integration.

And if travel genuinely isn't possible, reach out. I travel for the right fit, and we can talk through what makes sense.
​

Do you work with non-LGBTQ+ couples?

Yes. I work with all couples.

I have particular depth with queer and trans relationships. It's where my training, lived experience, and community roots all converge, and it means queer and trans couples never have to spend their session time explaining their lives to me. That's a specific gift.
For couples outside that community who feel drawn to this work: reach out. If we're a fit, we'll know.

What does this cost?

Pricing is discussed on the consultation call, and I take the financial weight of this seriously.

This is not a small ask. What I'll offer by way of context: the investment is comparable to four to six months of weekly couples therapy. The difference is you don't spend those months circling. You arrive, you do the work, you leave with something real.

​The tools you gain aren't ones you'll need to keep paying to access. They're yours, permanently, for every relationship you'll ever be in.

The average cost of divorce in the US is $30,000. I'm not saying that to be glib. I'm saying it because I watch couples do the math and realize that what they're really weighing isn't the cost of the intensive. It's the cost of not doing it.

True Story:
I once had an intake call with a couple who said they couldn’t afford to do weekly sessions with me because they were remodeling their kitchen for $80k. I later heard they divorced.

We don’t invest in our relationships the way we do in fancy vacations or expensive toys. Yet we pay for misery too. The health benefits of a happy marriage are well-documented, so maybe it’s time to start budgeting for relationship wellness.

 Are there couples you won't work with?

Yes. Sometimes people come with preconditions, and typically they need to be addressed before couples work is indicated. 

These preconditions include:

• Ongoing affair
• Active domestic violence
• Current untreated mental health issue
• Untreated substance abuse 

 Why won't you work with certain situations? 

The preconditions I named aren't arbitrary gatekeeping.

​They're about protecting you.

Active domestic violence means one or both partners isn't physically or emotionally safe enough for the kind of honesty this work requires. Intensive couples work in a violent relationship can escalate danger. That's not a risk I'm willing to take with you.

An undisclosed active affair means we can't do real work, because the foundation of the work is honesty. I can help couples recover from infidelity that's been disclosed and brought into the open. I can't help a couple repair a relationship when one partner is actively deceiving the other and has no intention of stopping.

Active addiction that impairs presence means the work simply can't land. Three days of deep relational work requires your full nervous system. If substances are interfering with that, the intensive will skim the surface at best and cause harm at worst. Getting support for addiction first isn't a barrier to doing this work. It's what makes this work possible.
If you're reading this and wondering whether your situation falls into one of these categories, bring it to the consultation call. I'll tell you the truth about whether I can help, and if I can't, I'll point you toward someone who can.

 What's your policy on booking, Cancellation and Scheduling?

I run two intensives per month. That's intentional. It means you get my full presence, not someone squeezing you in between twelve other commitments. It also means dates go fast.

Booking opens 90 days in advance and is held only with a deposit. Until that deposit is in, the dates aren't yours.

Deposit and payment: A 50% deposit is due at booking. The remaining balance is due 30 days before your intensive begins.

Cancellations: If you cancel with 30 or more days notice, your deposit becomes a credit toward a future intensive. Cancellations within 30 days of your start date forfeit the full fee. If exceptional circumstances arise after that window, I will consider applying 50% of what you've paid as credit toward a future booking. That's at my discretion, and I use it thoughtfully.

Life also happens in ways none of us can plan for. If someone close to you dies, a parent or child becomes gravely ill, or a serious accident occurs, reach out. I will work with you to reschedule. I've never met a couple who chose to be in a crisis, and I'm not going to hold a cancellation policy over your head when you're in one.

Rescheduling: One reschedule is allowed with 30 or more days notice. Within 30 days of your start date, rescheduling is not available, with the exception of genuine emergencies as described above.

If I cancel: In the rare event I need to cancel within 30 days of your intensive, you receive a full refund and priority access to the next available dates.
A waitlist is available for cancellations. If your preferred dates are full, reach out and I'll add you.

What happens after the intensive?

The intensive doesn't end when you leave.

One week out, we have a 1-hour integration session over Zoom. You've been back in real life for a week by then: the kids, the job, the Wednesday night that tests everything you just learned. We use that session to work with what actually came up, not a hypothetical.
​
I'm also available by text for 7 days after the intensive ends. Not for crisis management, but for the moments when you're in the middle of something and need a quick anchor back to what we built together.

Beyond that, many couples choose to continue working with me. I offer follow-up sessions and ongoing support, and for couples who want a structure beyond the intensive, we can build something that fits. We'll talk about what makes sense for you at the end of our time together.

How do we get started?

Book a free 30-minute consultation call. You tell me what's happening. I tell you what this process actually looks like. Together, we figure out whether this is the right next step for your relationship.
​

Book a Free Connection Call