"I wish I wanted to have sex!"

Last weekend my partner and I drove out to the Oregon coast for a couple's weekend we'd been wanting for months.

We'd talked ahead of time about wanting some physical intimacy, the kind you have to plan for when your life is full.

Watching the sunset, held in Ari's arms, I mentioned that I no longer enjoyed the sensation of psychedelics in my body anymore, that it felt like too much.

Then I said the sentence that almost changed the whole evening: "It's the same reason I don't like sex."

Ari spun me around. "You don't like sex?!"

He knows my history with sexual aversion, knows I've spent years exploring pleasure even while wrestling with it.

So I explained, it's not that I don't like sex. It's that I don't like being flooded with that much intensity anymore.

Sex can be wonderful and still be too much, even when it's pleasurable.

That distinction, between not wanting something and not wanting to be overwhelmed by it, is part of what I teach when I work with aversion. We work with the body.

The sex therapy field tends to treat aversion as intractable, something you manage rather than shift.
But my experience, personal and clinical, says otherwise.

​My approach runs counter to most of what's out there: instead of pushing through the flood, I teach you how to find the edge of your own capacity and work right at it, so intensity becomes something you can meet instead of something that drowns you.

If any part of this weekend's story sounds familiar, I built the course to help:​

From Avoidance to Closeness: A Compassionate Journey.

It's the deepest version of what I know about working with aversion from the inside, with discounted coaching support from me available.

​Start the course →
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And, if you want to test the waters first, there's a free webinar and a short PDF guide below.

​Free 2020 Webinar on Sexual Aversion​
​10 Steps to Work With Avoidance on Your Own — $7 PDF
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Back to last weekend.
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Ari and I did find our way back to each other that night, in a beautiful way that had nothing to do with pushing through anything. Just meeting where we actually were.