How to Tell Your Partner What You’re Really Feeling (Even If It Might Hurt Them)

How do you tell your partner what you’re feeling, when you know it’s probably going to hurt them and maybe create conflict?
This issue arises frequently in my partnership.
It comes up for my clients, too—because navigating feelings in a relationship is the trickiest part of relationship communication.
For example, let’s say you feel frustrated whenever your partner teases you in front of others.
And you get it—they have social anxiety. You have compassion for them, knowing they behave differently around others because of their internal struggles.
So how do you handle this without triggering more conflict?
Let’s look at some options.
1. Do you just say what is true for you and let the chips fall where they may? This is radical honesty in relationships.
It looks like telling them, “I feel hurt when you tease me around other people,” even though you know it’s probably going to trigger their “I’m getting it wrong” wound. Then you have to deal with their feelings about your feelings.
2. Do you try to soften the blow by using watered-down language? That might sound like, “I love it when you give me compliments around other people, it’s so nice.”
But you haven’t said the true thing. Next time you’re in public together, the same pattern happens again—and you’re more resentful.
Stuffing your feelings to avoid upsetting your partner isn’t sustainable.
3. Do you hold it in now, but explode later?
This might look like saying nothing in the moment, but then during a future fight you blurt out, “And you always hurt my feelings whenever we’re around other people!”
We’ve all been there.
Learning how to convey something that might hurt your partner is a valuable skill.
How to be honest in a relationship without starting a fight is a practice.
It’s not about perfection but about staying committed to healthy relationship skills.

• How do you respect your own experience while still honoring theirs?
• How do you share your truth, without derailing the conversation?
• How do you receive your partner’s feelings about your actions, without shutting down?

I don’t have a miracle cure.
But I am deeply committed to relationships built on radical honesty.
It’s what I teach. It’s what I practice.
Because if you aren’t saying what’s true for you, meaning if you’re watering it down or stuffing it, it’s not going to work long term.
Translation: resentment, unhappiness, or breaking up.
That’s avoidable.
But it takes practice.
It takes skills learning.
It takes healing.
So here’s my invitation to you:
How can you be 2% more honest with your partner this week?