You still love them. So why does it feel lonely?

If you're like other couples I work with, you want a relationship that feels real. 
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Where you can bring your whole self, and be met with love and acceptance.
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Those are the kinds of partnerships and marriages I help create. 

Book a free intro call
​and we’ll explore what’s possible.

Book a Free Call

You should know my own marriage nearly didn't make it. 

​That might be a strange thing for a couples therapist to share out of the gate, but it's true, and it's also what makes me really good at my job.

During the second decade of my second marriage, we were on the brink of divorce, without noticing how we got there.

We still loved each other. That was what made it so disorienting.

My first marriage ended in a blaze: hot, painful, violent. So much shame, blame, yelling, and aggression. I thought that was how all marriages end.

So imagine my surprise when there had been none of those nasty ingredients in my current marriage.

Instead, space had drifted between us almost without us noticing. 

I used to get up to greet Ari when he came in the front door from work. But I stopped. I knew what I'd be met with: a heavy face, unsmiling. A brief hug that felt tight and distant. So I'd stay where I was, curled on the red sectional, scrolling my phone.

"Hey," I'd say.

He'd sigh, collapse onto the couch, feet up, eyes closed.
We loved each other. Truly. But that closeness had gotten buried under a thousand small distances including professional burnout for him. 

Then a family crisis hit, and we were cracked open. We did not turn toward each other. 

He told me later he had considered consulting an attorney.

In a quiet conversation with a friend, I said, "Something has to change." And I meant it with my whole heart.

I started studying Relational Life Therapy (RLT), and he learned enough that we shared an RLT language.

We knew about the Wounded Child we both carry, and the (mal)Adaptive Child that comes in hot and fast to protect. We learned from Terry Real about the Wise Adult, the one who chooses connection over reactivity. But knowing the framework wasn't enough.

In our case, we each had to do our work separately before we could do it together. 

At that crisis point, I told him I couldn't keep going, that he had to do some serious trauma work. He pushed back that we needed couples work. I held my ground: I wasn't wrong, and the order of operations mattered. 

He did the unexpected: He signed up for a year-long trauma coaching container and a week-long in-person intensive. I went to India for six months.

While he was healing his nervous system, I was reckoning with my own debris: the resentment that had calcified into contempt, the negative core image I'd been holding of my partner, my own losing strategies. I worked individually with a relationally oriented therapist.

I had to stop making Ari the problem. That was the hardest part.

When we reunited, I was shocked by the change in both of us.

So much more capacity, and willingness to look at our own stuff.

​And then we did finally get into couples therapy with an extremely competent RLT therapist, and she helped us turn the ship around. 

It's not a perfect marriage.

But both of us worked with equal vigor to get here, and it has stuck.

Now, when one of our adaptive children starts to drive, we'll catch it and say, gently: "Oh hi, AC." More often than not, we hug, and the moment passes.

The flow of love, of Eros, of care and trust have all increased in ways I couldn't have predicted.

Frequently, I find myself moved to tears by his beauty and by what we built together out of the rubble.

What surprised me most, after 15 years of sitting with couples, is that the space destroying your relationship doesn't have to be loud to be fatal.

My first marriage ended in fire. This one almost ended in silence. And in some ways, the silence was harder, because there's nothing obvious to point at.

But miracles happen.

Somatic Couples therapist Pavini with their Partner
My partner of 15 years and I
RLT was our miracle, and it may be yours. 

I do this work because I am personally invested in learning to have a peaceful, loving relationship, and helping others do the same.

Our relationship is real, not perfect. There are many moments of deep joy.

I know what's on the other side of both the flames and the silence, and I know how to get you there.

Two people loving each other well is a really big deal, and I'm here to help you do that. ​

​Why work with me?

This work is for you if you're self-aware, willing to work hard, and maybe a little tired of therapy that stays in your head instead of your body. You don't need a particular religion, but you probably have a spiritual hunger even if you haven't named it that way. You love your partner, but you've lost the sexy, passionate charge, and you're both ready to stop pretending that's fine.

I'm grounded and soothing, funny, connected, in the room with you. You'll get a no bullshit approach and a lot of humor. I'm practical, equipping you with real skills while also working with the trauma underneath the surface stuff. My aesthetic is queer and my approach is unconventional, and if that appeals to you rather than scares you off, we're probably a good fit. I am always compassionate, but I do tell it as I see it. I will intervene, interrupt, and redirect. I'm not a passive validation-only practitioner. I'm here to help you actually change. 

I hold a PhD in Somatic Psychology and I'm trained in Relational Life Therapy. I've written two books on this work, How to Hold Power and Tending the Bones, and I bring fifteen years of practice into every session.
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I've worked with hundreds of couples, designed embodied curricula, and built a thriving somatic practice from the ground up. For many years I worked primarily as a sex therapist before expanding into embodied relationship work.
Before this work, I was a Montessori educator and curriculum designer. That sharpened my ability to break big concepts into small, teachable moments, and I bring that same skill now, helping couples do what they were never taught: love well.

I've also built multiple businesses, including leading a ten-person team, building an online relationship school, and founding a healing arts collective in San Francisco. What I know about leadership, I learned by living it.

I identify as queer, trans, and non-binary. I'm white of European descent. My pronouns are they/them.

Here's what changes when this work lands.

You understand your Adapted Child and your Wise Adult, and you find yourself living in Wise Adult more often. You have real tools to get through conflict and actually repair afterward. You feel more connected to yourself, and your relationship starts to feel like a refuge, something the two of you protect together instead of a battleground you're both defending territory in. You come out from behind your walls. You stop competing for resources in the relationship and start playing for the same team.

I also hold space in my practice for queer and trans folks in their thirties who want this work and can't yet pay full rate. If that's you, let's talk.

If this sounds like the work you've been circling, let's talk. Book a free call and we'll figure out together if it's the right fit.
Book a Free Call

Why somatics in relationships? 

 Somatics is the practice of turning to the body as a teacher for how we love, connect, and belong.

It supports the unwinding of old attachment patterns so safety and closeness become possible, and it offers tools that grow trust, honesty, and ease in relationship. The work is not only personal.

It asks how we come into right relationship with partners, communities, and systems of power, and how we extend that care to the other-than-human world.

I do this work because I believe a more relational world is possible, one where embodiment and justice meet and where our connections are shaped by dignity, reciprocity, and reverence for life.

​My Approach

​My work blends:
  • Somatics: because your body is a wise teacher 
  • Relational Life Therapy (AKA RLT: this is Terry's Real's work) because it's fast and effective
  • Magick & ritual: because love is sacred work
  • Ancestral connection: because we carry what came before
  • Pleasure & erotic aliveness: because feeling good matters (a lot!)
  • Laughter: because if you don't have a sense of humor, it's just not funny (says clown Wavy Gravy)
  • Attachment repair and transgenerational trauma healing: whether you’re navigating abandonment wounds or your grandmother’s ghost in the room, I guide you toward remembering how to bond, trust, and thrive.
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This is change that starts in your body.

We work at the level of your nervous system, sensation, memory, lineage, and Eros, so the shift doesn’t just make sense in your head; it lands in your bones.

Ready to shift?

In our free intro call, we'll get clear on what's not working, what you want instead, and whether this work is the right fit. I'll be honest with you. You'll walk away with clarity and a sense of what moving forward could look like.
Book your free intro call to find out what's possible.

Credentials

  • Ph.D in Somatic Psychology.  International University of Professional Studies. Dissertation: Tending the Bones: Turning toward ancestors in service of erotic wellness after trauma.  
  • M.Ed in Montessori Education and Curriculum Design. Endicott College.
  • Relational Life Therapy (RLT) practitioner training with Terry Real. Ongoing. 
  • Certified Sexological Bodywork Practitioner. San Francisco. 
  • San Francisco Sex Information Certificate. San Francisco.
  • Somatic Experiencing Practitioner Trauma Training, Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute, Marin CA.
  • Ancestral Lineage Healing Practitioner Certificate. Ancestral Medicine. 
  • Somatics and Resilience: Strozzi Institute, generative somatics.​
  • Watsu and Oceanic Bodywork professional training ongoing. Quiet Healing Center, India. 
  • Conflict Resolution Certificate. Sonoma State University.
  • Educational Therapy Certificate. UC Berkeley.
I pay homage to my phenomenal teachers, including Joseph Kramer, Alex Jade, Lizz Randall, Staci Haines, Sylvie Minot, Lucia Horan, David Treleaven, Suzanne Sterling, Raven Stanfield, Kate Shela, Gabrielle Roth, Gina Ogden, Ellen Heed, Celeste and Danielle, Liam 'capt.' Snowdon, Steve Hoskinson, Armand Volkas, Terry Real, Daniel Foor, and Meredith Broome, among many others.
​My Books
​I’m the author of:​I write Glitter Joyride: weekly guidance for healing, relating, and resisting with heart. Trauma-informed somatics meets anti-capitalist magick. Poetic, practical support for navigating life in a body with sparkle, depth, and zero bullshit.

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Media: Articles, Podcasts, & Videos

Discover Pavini Moray’s work on somatic leadership and conflict resolution through articles, podcasts, and publications.
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What is Somatic Coaching?

Unlike traditional coaching, which primarily focuses on changing your thoughts, or therapy, which focuses on healing your past, Somatic Coaching uses the wisdom of your body in the present moment.
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